I think maybe my therapist does these things because of her attachment slant, knowing that at certain stages of the process, waiting can feel nearly impossible and prolongs suffering. My other T does email but not phone calls, and her style of response is more like DBT coaching, but the end result is the same, helping to decrease the between-session emotional pain and showing that she's still there. I do think the boundaries are mostly based on the therapist's personal preference and what they feel is both effective and sustainable for them.

I don't mean to sound like a broken record, but I wonder if what you're running into is Dr. T's lack of experience with relational trauma. He clearly does care about you and wants to help, and he also doesn't seem to understand why you do the things you do and why you feel the way you feel. Or if he does understand, he doesn't seem to know what to do to help you. Reading between the lines, he seems to think your reactions are baffling and disproportionate, and he wants to give you what you want/need but seems doubtful that it will ever be enough. So he gives a little extra (maybe even more than he wants to), but then he feels frustrated that it doesn't have the intended effect. Then he says something that feels shaming to you and thus unwittingly perpetuates the uneasiness of insecure attachment. You seem attracted to the well-meaning parts of him and keep going back to get more of that care but you also get knocked around by his inability to fully understand your dynamics and to actually help you navigate them. This is probably why you seem to be stuck in a rupture/repair cycle that mostly ends with you both staying in the same place.