My Support Forums - View Single Post - Bipolar Check-In Thread #51

bpcyclist · Oct 10, 2020, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

It's been a long time since I mentioned my father. Actually today I saw him for the first time in some months. I missed a chance before my vacation/trip. Then I had to wait another 14 days after returning to the US because of quarantine. I went to visit him alone this afternoon. I could only see him right outside the facility, sitting six feet from him, with us both wearing masks, obviously. I was surprised to see him being wheeled out in a wheelchair. Apparently he had two major falls within a 24 hour period, yesterday and this morning. When he first spoke, he told me that he can no longer walk. His face clearly showed distress and depression, yet he tried to smile. He told me that his emphysema is getting worse. He also has heart problems. He refuses the emphysema medications, according to my sister.

About 10 minutes in to my visit with him, he said he had to pee. I couldn't wheel him in (because of the rules) so I knocked on the reception door for them to come. He returned only 5 minutes later saying that he can often not pee when he tries. As I continued talking, his eyes wandered elsewhere. That has been a common thing for him his whole life, but when I stopped talking mid-sentence, he knew I noticed, so said "I'm listening." but I'm not sure if he was, or even could.

Before my trip to Europe, I told my dad that my husband and I would be moving there probably before 2021. His response was a feigned excited one, and he said that he would visit me there. Truth is, he'll never be able to visit Europe again. He knows that. Then today I told him that the move will surely be in December. That our house will be put up on the market soon, and that I already sold my car. To that, he again gave a fake positive response.

When I got home, my husband told me that my dad had called my house (landline) before I arrived to see him. Hubby and I both think he likely wanted to cancel my visit, but he was too late, as I was already on my way.

Possible trigger:

Before I left my dad, I told him that I would try to schedule visits as often as possible before our departure. Sad thing is that the assisted living only allows max one visit per week. So, that means that I can only see my father probably, at most, six to eight more times before the move. That perhaps means that I will not see him more than six to eight more times in his, and my lives. Many (or all) of those times may be wearing a mask, and forbidden to give each other hugs or kisses.

It's been a long road these last few years with my father's major illness. You can't imagine the emotions felt! There has been a level of acceptance on my part, for a while. However, my father likely hadn't known, but he is now growing painfully aware. It surely eats him alive. That fact hurts me, immensely. It's a terrible feeling knowing that you will likely only see your parent (or child) a limited number of additional times. When my mother died, it was a shock. We had only seven days to even process the inevitable. I have had more time with my dad, but even so, sometimes the pain felt knowing that your parent is suffering, and severely afraid (of death), is even worse than the pain of the loss itself, I think. I felt that agony for my mother, and also feel it for my dad.

Beautifully expressed, Soupe. I really hope you enjoy your remaining time with him. Life is short. My dad's facility does not allow anyone in or out. I miss him.