I have no idea which location to post this..."depression?" "grief and loss?" I just don't know so please move if you feel it belongs in a different thread.

Coming up is the first Mothers' Day without my mom. Every time I see a commercial about "The perfect gift for your mother" I get SO ANGRY and SO SAD! I have been robbed of getting to truly know my mom so it isn't fair. I want to yell, scream, cry and just get mad at the world.

I get really depressed because I miss her so much. Last Mothers' Day I gave her a necklace with a rose on the front that said "I love you, Mom" and it has a rose engraved on it. She gave it back to me shortly before she passed so that *I* got it and not my sisters. She wanted ME to have it. It's the little things like that that I miss.

She loved me, I know she did. Even though I didn't get to grow up with her...she loved me. Even though I was a bad kid....she loved me. Even though I had to go into Group Homes and Foster Homes to help with my behavior....she loved me AND even came to visit me once. Even though she was sick....she was STILL a rock for the family.

The sadness has a way of sneaking up on me. I get so sad and then I can't let it out because it may be an inappropriate time. I know that I still haven't dealt with mom's death in February, but at the same time I just don't know how.

On top of all that I miss my BF SOOOOO much. I miss him in bed next to me. I miss him greeting me when I come home from work. I miss his cooking (He is good!). I miss him holding me and telling me that everything will be ok. I miss his kisses...I Miss HIM...


*SIGH* I probably sound utterly pathetic and I am so sorry that I am not as strong as I should be right now.....I just can't play it off anymore.

Anyways, I am sure I will be just fine....I really needed to get it out.

BJ