I used to often think how I should do this or should not do that. (for example I should work full time and clean all the windows in a large house regularly, should shop for all the food and cook all the meals and look perfect, (while never buying any new clothes) ..should please those family who would not be pleased or even accept me..) Should always put everyone elses needs above mine, including people I rarely spoke to....) (should be the same person as a Narcissist (''family'' member) or at least ...... them ''well enough'' with NO mistakes..) For me personally I usually didn't find that to be an effective motivator. I find a reward system to work more effectively than punishment