My grandma, who raised me part of my life after my dad died, was in a serious car accident and she has 6 hours to live. Nobody is being allowed in except my grandpa because of covid rules so I can't say goodbye. I started getting confused and dissociating and my pdoc added ativan today and now I feel like I can help be supportive of my grandpa and help plan the funeral. I'm just feeling so guilty getting back on benzos after tapering off 3 years ago. They help me so much though I want to stay on them forever. I hope this new pdoc lets me. My grandma was my rock. And she had this accident so tragically. I'm still zoning out and feeling both hypomanic and terribly sad and grieving. I really hope this doesn't spin me into a whirlwind.