I did it! I gave L the letter. She read it while holding my hand. She's not mad or disgusted by me. I had questions at the end, and she said they're all good questions. She told me a lot of my past is due to curiosity and lack of education. She says that a lot of what happened wasn't completely my fault and she wants to one day teach me about what consent really is.

I feel disgusted with myself. Even though she gave me a ton of reassurance, I still hate myself.