Emotional overwhelm

I was just now having dinner with Papa bear and I was trying to describe a situation to him.
I try to leave gaps in between my sentences, gaps in between any information I give him.
I have, again, overwhelmed him. I do not know what I keep doing wrong. It's distressing to me .. he is now in the loo, almost being sick
Sometimes I wonder why I am on this planet

The mother said I am not ''good enough'' for him. His mother said he could have ''done better'' than me
ok.. so.. how do I move on from this

(rhetorical question
last night I deleted several of my posts. Maybe I ''should'' phone a help line. I am not at all optimistic that they would help