I can't say I have any words of wisdom persay. But I can say that I am going through the same thing. And I can tell you, that when I look at the situation from 20,000 feet, I see that this is not about me but about him. None of us are perfect in relationships, but if your spouse doesn't communicate along the way and do the work, there is just no way of keeping a relationship on track. I did nothing wrong, and am a great wife - loving, supportive and fun. Not that I never annoyed him or did something that he wish I hadn't. But much of what I did was really about taking care of our family, house, schedule, finances, etc and I communicated with him all the way through. I deserved a conversation at the halfway mark of his thoughts, not at the end. I would also look at both the situations and see if there is a similarity between the two women you chose to commit to. I would never have thought my two husbands were the same, as they are so clearly different. However, I can see that I spend a lot of time taking care of other people in my life and really, I have yet to be truly taken care of. We can't worry about the 2 divorce thing. I understand it is truly embarrassing. I feel it. Believe me - I am highly educated, successful, positive woman with lots of friends and a good outlook on life - how I am about to be 2ce divorced at 49 is beyond me. However, if you can truly stand by who you are, then you have nothing to worry about. But first you need to heal yourself. Self care. Working out, eating well, learning a new skill, meeting new people (harder with Covid I understand). You need to feel again that you are happy with yourself before you can stand behind the 2 divorce conversation. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you handle it/react to it. Good luck. I am sorry this is happening to you - it sucks.