Welcome! I just got here myself, in exactly the same situation (new to therapy, PTSD since childhood). I've found the people here to be very insightful and welcoming. Hope your experience is the same! Don't be afraid to post!

As for your therapy situation, I know that feeling. These things seem to go back and forth in waves for some of us. Has your therapist suggested any writing exercises to help rationalize and organize your thoughts/emotions/reactions?

I've found such things to be quite helpful, but not everyone does. Feel free to ask and I'll share an exercise or two if you think you might benefit.