Thanks for your input. Yesterday was a good day, but I made it that way and did everything my husband wanted the way he wanted. Today, I tried, I argue in my head with myself, should I be constantly trying to better the house the yard etc or should I stop for a period of time and spend time with my new baby and stepdaughter. I coach her T-ball team and my husband had the nerve to ask me (yet he helps coach too) "aren't you embarressed that she is the coach''s daughter and can't do certain things). What am I to do, I have so many thoughts, trying to second guess what he will want that day is it yard work, scrub the bathrooms, I have no idea. So today I had enough and we are fighting again. He tells me how worthless I am, even though this situation started with his actions. He never notices anything I do. I bring home 35K due to SSD and child support and I don't work. I watch kids all day and take care of the house. But he told me I'm not worth it because I don't make enough???? But he and his ex and me save in child care costs. I am the child care. He tells me he never wants to look at me and how my ex-husband's wife, though very unattractive and heavy is a better woman than me because she can keep him. I left my ex-husband for my current husband. I wonder who the real dummy is? I may take the kids and just go away for a while. My doc advised it. But it complicates sports, school, visitation. But again, that's me looking out for everybody else and never myself. But he's right and I feel worthless. I hate myself for my past. I hate that I am bipolar. I feel invisible to him and most people around me. But again, he states I am a "mental patient", and he's a narciccist, according to his doc but in treating narciccists you can't come out and tell them they are because then they won't get treatment. We have the same doc, but she has know me for 13 years and him for 4. I pray I make it till my appointment on Thursday. But why should I have to take more drugs to deal with his behavior of dissappointing me and putting me down...........I still feel the same way I did the other day, worthless, used, and bad thoughts. I am rambling again, I have absolutely no one to talk to. Nobody could possibly understand that I know personally and I won't tell me mother, she was the one I used to confide in until I got with my current husband. Boy those were the days when he would listen to me and try to help me. But they are gone. Dissappearing would be good right now....