No worries, I like directness. & thanks for spending time for this detailed answer.

I'll add a response below and also try to clarify where needed

But first I'd like to ask you to fully put yourself in my shoes before you read on if you want to read on.

Like try to really imagine yourself in my situation, you are having mental health issues and you gave a lot of your life already to your SO and he has 3 million USD that he didn't work hard to earn, and you are asking for a little financial support, a fraction of that 3 million.

If you can't imagine this, that's okay too. But I just don't think there is any point in talking about this then even if I appreciated your previous input and your time



Oh I didn't plan to ask him to pay for the rent retroactively. That fact about the rent was just part of the context/background history.



I did not have it in mind to just want the money "free" when I asked for the loan originally. I think I was too optimistic about getting better health-wise but I'm trying to face the fact that I might never. And even if I get better it will still take a long time.

It might be me but if I had over 3 million USD in assets/stocks and my SO of 13 years who's also my first love would need support in such a situation I would give it to them. Otherwise I know there is no explicit law or rule on this.


He's actually family in a practical sense. He actually calls himself family. He has that sense with me. He's even been allowed to live in my mother's house for quite a long time (about a full year), too. Even when I was not around temporarily, he was allowed to stay at my mother's house. He knew my father before he died and my father felt like he was a son to him more than his actual son (my brother). etc. He really DOES have that feeling of being family. I don't know if that makes sense.... That expensive engagement ring I still got too......

I do live with him, just not right now/not continually right now. We lived continually with each other for many years.


And yes I am incapacitated enough so that made me consider asking him for this support.

So... he is NOT just a random boyfriend. I would like you to take that in as a fact or there is no point in talking about this....Even if I do appreciate your previous input and time otherwise

The other fact to take in is that I am too incapacitated or I would not have asked otherwise. I was not asking for some luxury.



5 years

EDIT: I actually realise now that I feel like you are downplaying my contribution to this relationship/to his life.....I contributed a lot. I gave a lot of my life to him....This downplaying of it bothers me very much


The old loan was also around 25k, funnily enough

I was also getting on my feet lol because I paid him back in 6 months

I was still doing well back then.

Also we seem to have a very different moral framework because to me reciprocity is important, if I did something for a close relation of mine, then they do owe me in a sense, in the sense that it will create a serious imbalance and will make the relationship unmaintainable if they do not reciprocate the giving.

Relationships are about reciprocal give and take, not just about giving or just about taking. If you disagree that's fine, it's in your right to disagree but then in that case I don't think there is any point to discuss this topic anymore, even tho yes I appreciate your time&previous input



He did pretty much won most of the 3 million USD

(Not in the lottery but no, he did not work hard for it.)

Edit: Also you DO REALISE he gave 6000 USD easily to this other woman over the period of a few months? They weren't even in a relationship

How do you exactly make sense of that fact ????



You need to understand he has over 3 million USD and you need to understand that we are family

Or no point in talking about all this



We did not see each other lately because of my being incapacitated while trying to work to support myself and thus being unable to travel. I did tell him this too

You are right that this relationship is very imbalanced as it is now. I am changing many things in my attitude and awareness and I want to see if the balance can be restored. That is the only reason I am still around after realising the same things you told me i.e that this relationship is really wrong in many ways

But yes it's like if he just wants me to be fully dependent on him in a relationship that's all on his own terms then I'd rather just go and live on benefits or something if I had to, ... basic independence is more important than anything, I'd just die in such a relationship, it would be too abusive


Thanks again.



EDIT....One more thing. I don't think I fully understand something in your take. Is your pov that this relationship is not right for several reasons, one of the reasons being that he is unwilling to help with this financial support? But at the same time you are saying that I just have no legal right to the money i.e that I don't have a way to formally enforce the reciprocity? Because yeah sure I agree that there is no formal way or such (though then I don't know why you would try to point out such an obvious thing)

But also if that's your pov then I don't understand why you also said things like you wouldn't support a boyfriend or that most people wouldn't. Like it felt like you downplayed our relationship and downplayed my contributions to this relationship and downplayed his 3 million

So all that doesn't add up



But please only respond to me if you can put yourself in my shoes and do honestly ask yourself if you would not be upset or angry or depressed or how you would feel in this situation yourself