I understand the feelings are overwhelming. I feel the same way all the time. My method is certainly not to be thought of as a perfect model to be followed rigorously, just a guideline for healthy reasoning that I try to stick to. Always feel free to take whatever works and leave whatever doesn't!

Personally, I find writing the process down as I work through it to be helpful in achieving my goals. Writing thoughts/ideas/intentions down helps to solidify them in our minds and make them easier to work with, I find.

I should also say that my suggestion assumed good faith between both people in the relationship. My apologies if my lack of understanding led me to suggest something not relevant.

I'm glad to hear that you've found at least one method to get some relief.