This struck me: "I was crushed. I asked him to try counseling, and he told me it wouldn't change anything. I told him I'd do anything to make our marriage work and he just kept piling on the reasons we were doomed and our marriage was a failure. He made me ask if he wanted to separate and when he said that wasn't enough he forced the question of divorce from me. He knew exactly what he wanted but wanted it to come out of my mouth. It hurt." The fact that he led you down the path to ask the questions and not just have the decency to come out and have a real question is not cool. Particularly in a relationship that is around 10 years old. You deserved a conversation. It's a sign of a weak person to do that. No one should be required to ask the question, "do you want to divorce" if it wasn't your idea to begin with. In addition, the emotional affair thing I think is much worse than a physical one. There is a coupling that married people do, that makes them 'us' against the world. It's a bubble of sorts. When your spouse reaches out of the bubble and intimately shares details of their life with another person, and starts to want the opinions of that other person or look forward to sharing with that other person, it pops the bubble. At the time they may not realize how serious that is - but it's the death of a relationship. Even if it's eventual. Not saying that there aren't some couples that pull it back from that, but those that do, really have to do the the work - both of them. While I am not divorced yet, and am in this forum now because I need to communicate with other people who may have similar feelings, I unfortunately have been divorced before. (Lucky me!) I have both good news and bad news for you. The bad news is - it's been 20 years since my first divorce (together 8 years total, married for 6 years out of college) and while it seems like a lifetime ago, there are still things that pop up in my head from time to time about him. Some good memories, some bad. And going through my current situation - I believe I am having PTSD from my 1st divorce and it's bringing up a lot of really intense, negative feelings. The good news is - (apart from right now with the PTSD) - it hurts a whole lot less with each thought and I'd say it took 4 years for me to get to the point where I could freely talk about him and the situation without a negative thought... it was just part of my past. I can also say that I have lived a very full life since that time - one that I would never have been able to live with him. I think on the bad days now, you need to find a couple of things that bring you joy to focus on. Possibly hiking as you reference, or writing, knitting or a hobby of some sort (something that can make you feel like you've accomplished something) and most importantly, you need your tribe. Texts, calls, in person if possible - you need people you can reach out to and just be part of their life. And possibly sit and meditate for bit and think about the possibilities of what your life can be. Even now, as I contemplate another massive upheaval in my life, one that includes a stepchild that I raised and a husband I trusted who has just stopped being my husband, there is a small glimmer of the "what if's" swirling around. What if I move? What if I take a new job? What if I can use my money to do what I want to do? Where would I travel to? Allow yourself to just sit and think about these things. Some can be scary & overwhelming but sometimes a blank canvas is a gift. What could it look like?