My kid was an angel on virtual today, as I figured.

I think of him often, trying to figure him out. I’m no doctor but I’ve been around the block enough times as a patient to recognize certain behavior when I see it. I have my own ideas about him, none confirmed and all of which are devastating and foreboding for the future considering he is exhibiting symptoms so young. I expect he will have a rough go of it for a long time and I only hope he manages to learn coping skills for his violent impulses so does not get himself into real legal trouble down the road.

My mother called me today to tell me my grandfather seems to be very close to the end. He is no longer drinking anything at all and no longer responding to anything around him. She said when she visited on Sunday he reacted to the special picture I took of my son with a small smile, and he was able to semi-laugh at a few jokes she read out of a joke book. But today...nothing. almost as if he is in a coma, which honestly he probably is. My brother asked me if I was considering visiting and I was honest and told him no. I think it would upset me too much to see him like that and if I did, my last memories of him would be those of him lifeless and gaunt. Right now I can remember him from July 4, where he was able to join us at the table for a hot dog and cole slaw. I believe that’s the last time I saw him before he went into the nursing home and Covid restrictions meant I couldn’t visit him. I’d rather remember him smiling and talking.

Anyway that’s the news for tonight.