Hey. I'm new to the group. I filed for divorce 2 weeks ago. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we have a spunky fun toddler. What fueled the fall of our marriage is my husband's addiction to drugs and alcohol. In the beginning, it wasn't obvious. But it got worse, and progressed. Next thing I know, everything went down hill. He has stolen medications from myself, my family, and my friends. He has lied and manipulated his way out of so much throughout our marriage. I finally had enough. Sure 2020 has been difficult for everyone, but it hasn't been kind to those with addiction. My husband began mixing alcohol and pills, partaking in these habits while "working from home". He had grown distant and spent most of his time away from us. He wasn't being a bad father, just absent. I told him I would not continue to live like this. He didn't listen.
I filed for divorce, and it has been an emotional rollercoaster ever since. I have experienced many emotions: anger, guilt, grief, anxiety, relief, sad, etc. I tend to experience most of these emotions on a daily basis. I have moments where I question if I am doing the right thing. I've been told these feelings are normal, but I'm exhausted. Not once in this divorce has he told me that he loves me and doesn't want this. His biggest concern is the financial implications of a divorce. Am I that easy to walk away from? Makes me question if he truly ever loved me. I feel as though he loved the idea of me, and how I fit in his life. The harsh reality of how life turned out, the things I endured and turned a blind eye. That wasn't me, it isn't me.......but somewhere along this journey I have completely lost myself. And for once I don't know what it is that I am doing in my life except getting a divorce. I'm scared.