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Originally Posted by guy1111
Ya, I understand what you mean in relation to my marriage. Alot of what you are saying relates to my childhood as well. I am doing some work on healing from being a child and not feeling safe reaching out for help. Alot of my ptsd stems from experiencing trauma and not being able to stop it, control it, or speak out about it. My therapist suspects I was told to keep the things that happened a secret. This would have had a tremendous impact on me. Maybe distorting reality for me because if I have to hide the truth then I can't process why I feel the way I do. So as an adult I struggle to connect pain with its source?
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I know this confusion, and it definitely leads to distrust and self censorship. It's good that you are searching for the truth, and reaching out. It's brave.
It can be really painful to connect. I think that old adage "if you're going through hell, keep going" applies. I think there should always be hope for understanding in a marriage, and definitely, as you say, support and partnership, not at the expense of your individuality.
I know it can also be really painful to reconnect to hopes and dreams that have been taken away, whether by means of force, or being made to believe you're not deserving.
It's been a big shift in my life to choose to reach out to people that offer thoughtful advice and encouragement.
It was always easier to talk to dismissive critical people, because their view of me corresponded with my core beliefs about myself. It's too easy to internalise that negativity, and is dysphoric to experience changes in our core beliefs.
Much happier to have belief in oneself, though