I really appreciate this, Open Eyes. No one in my family suffered with alcoholism, but my bio father had a severe nicotine dependency and my brother was a drug addict. I believe my brother qualifies as the "dry drunk" sort of addict.

I recently came in contact with someone who is a closet alcoholic though and all the behaviors you mention are spot on. She is very difficult to be around, and I feel very bad that she feels the need to self-medicate rather than face the issues in her life. Addiction is a serious illness that wreaks havoc in relationships and communication. It's not a character flaw, and I wish, along with mental illness - which we have more and more evidence is actually changed brain chemistry and neurological not just psychiatric - that there was less stigma and more effort to understand.

I think the thing too that makes it difficult when you are in a relationship or friendship with an alcoholic or addict is not being able to tell if they are truly sober or not when you are interacting. They are used to masking their addiction so they appear functional, but then they don't remember the things they said or did. I don't know how to deal with that. It feels like gaslighting.