First therapy session went well. She says my childhood development likely was arrested at around age 6 due to various medical and maternal trauma, I guess. She is optimistic about integration. I parked my emotions in this child, evidently.

Very frightened and sad. The more I learn, the more aberrant and sick it appears I have been. I am afraid noone will ever be my friend. Noone will ever love me, because I am too scary and ill.

I have had a secret dream of bp stability at some point and maybe a woman again. Who on earth could ever take such a personal risk to be with someone this psychiatrically unwell. Do not see it. Just too risky. So very sad and scared.