Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist
First therapy session went well. She says my childhood development likely was arrested at around age 6 due to various medical and maternal trauma, I guess. She is optimistic about integration. I parked my emotions in this child, evidently.
Very frightened and sad. The more I learn, the more aberrant and sick it appears I have been. I am afraid noone will ever be my friend. Noone will ever love me, because I am too scary and ill.
I have had a secret dream of bp stability at some point and maybe a woman again. Who on earth could ever take such a personal risk to be with someone this psychiatrically unwell. Do not see it. Just too risky. So very sad and scared.
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I was told my childhood development was arrested
I was not given an age when this (apparently) happened. I do not disbelieve this, as I did experience repeated trauma, and I believe much of it was before the age of 2
For an ''over sensitive'' baby and toddler, forceps delivery, disinterested ''mother'', multiple abandonments... would not feel warm, fuzzy and snugg
If it;s any consolation, despite me being so ''sick';.. Papa bear and I are very happy together. He is extremely happy with me. I'm sure you can and will find the ''right'' person too
PS I was such a ''difficult baby'' that i was put on benzos at the age of 9 months, since I ''kept'' waking her in the night when she was weaning me.
I was also taken out of nappies at age ONE since my tummy was TOO FAT