Ever since college, I've had a hard time figuring out what I want to do for a job. I don't really fit anywhere job-wise in this society.

I'm 37 now. I still am having a hard time deciding. I think maybe its part of why I've been disabled so long. The indecision.

I will be looking for a cleaning job. Maybe that's enough for now.

I just know I have a brain. I want to use it and work at a job that interests me. Eventually.

I put pressure on myself to figure that out now.

Maybe I should just be grateful.

Anyway, part of this is financial, too. I'd take classes at community college but I already have a BA.

I feel like sometimes, I get close to a subject. Like peer specialist (helping profession), for instance, and I'm interested, but then I'm like "no." I'm not sure its right for me. I haven't done the job though, just took a couple classes so far. I have no confidence either. Can low confidence make you not want to engage in a subject anymore?

For a job, I'm interested in a desk job around ppl, where I don't have to interact w the public. I've always thought I'd be a good translator. But I know I need a lot of schooling for that. Its not off the table, honestly. But my mother doesn't think I should take out loans. I put a lot of stock into what she says.

I've also thought of science. Biology. But I have no clue what I'd do w it. Its just interesting to me.

I really feel like I need professional help with this. My therapist keeps saying I have the answers myself. And to explore things on YouTube. I think it will just take time. To sort it out.

If anyone has advice or can help I'm open to hearing it.