Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I got too drunk last night and made a huge stink and scene. I feel pushed over the edge.
He pretty much had gone into another rage on Sat morning. I had therapy yesterday, and a lot of my trust issues came up. I stewed all day over the mistrust I feel towards my husband, got way too drunk, then decided to end things with him.
Today is a different story. I am very hungover and am uncertain of what I've decided.
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I am feeling very guilty about my behavior the other night with my husband. I am seriously beating myself up.
Now I worry he is going to view me differently and treat me differently as a result of the other night's fiasco that I caused - I worry that I have been brought down a rung or three in his mind, and that now I am the bad guy.
That's the most drunk he's seen me - I was blackout drunk. Obviously, I need to steer clear of alcohol right now, but it was pretty bad and I really acted out.
Which points to my frame of mind right now. I am downward spiraling, between COVID, very tight finances, my unemployment status and our marital issues. It's far too much for me to deal with at once and I cracked under all the pressure and stress.
Last night, he pleasured me in the middle of the night waking me up, and because it was the middle of the night and I was super sleepy, I couldn't exactly reciprocate. He therefore called me "one-way sally" (in jest he says). It was mean and I didn't appreciate it at all. Now I need to address this mean so-called "joke" with him. This is one of the things he used to do that was abusive.
I worry he will now slide backwards into old behaviors because I screwed up so badly the other night.