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This is why diagnoses %#@&#! me off, because there is NEVER a clear answer. I don't even know what I have!

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A diagnosis is just a word or two about your whole internal world of experiences. I never used to think a diagnosis was important and I still don't think it's all that important; however, my recent diagnosis (beyond just anxiety and depression) did give me relief in a way because it took away some of that feeling of being defective. It doesn't change anything though, my symptoms, my internal chaotic world, still remain to be learned about and supported through therapy.

I used to think if I could just find the exact description/diagnosis for me, then the path to feeling better would be clearer or easier or something. But it isn't 'out there', it's 'in here' in us.

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Depression that causes me to be negative, tired, eat less and wanting to make me kill myself that usually has some sort of residual thing. These days, I'm less tired even if I am still tired, I mostly either feel apathetic or miserable and I don't eat as much. Sometimes I feel OK, then I feel like complete crap. Certain things just %#@&#! me off too.

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I know you've looked into a lot of diagnoses. I'm wondering if you have considered Borderline PD?

Maybe an interesting therapy discussion could be your intense desire for a diagnosis that feels right to you, what that means to you.

Good luck with your pdoc. I hope you come away from your appointment feeling satisfied and hopeful.