The P/A behavior I lived with for 33 years was the way my NOW ex-H would tell you he was going to do something I asked him to do just to shut me up when he had NO intention of doing it in the first place.
My friend will just make comments that can be taken many ways that doesn't sound aggressive until you read between the lines.....like "glad you could take time away from your busy schedule to spend time with me on my birthday." On the surface it sounds good but is it a complaint that I don't make enough time for her other times? Something the average person wouldn't be able to determine not having been in a friendship relation & knowing past experiences. Even then one really doesn't know what is in their HEART when the comment is made