Felt very down upon waking. Went to work (my job here needs me to work some weekends). Didn't speak to many people at work, although I would have liked to have, since it might have lifted my mood a bit. Finished my tasks and then left for the day.

While I was at work, I messaged a friend in Germany who is a qualified doctor (cardiology unfortunately, rather than mental health!) and I told her about how I was feeling low. She was supportive as usual and asked about my recent change in medicine and suggested I go and see a specialist here again.

I was in absolutely no mood for a workout in the evening, so I opted to go to a local Haagen Dazs cafe for coffee and cheesecake instead. Did some crosswords while there, which would have been pretty relaxing were it not for the continual stupid OCD thoughts that keep troubling me. The thing is, I know they're totally irrational but I still can't shift them.

While I was in the cafe I messaged one of my work friends, who I'm due to take a work trip with this coming week, and ended up telling him about my depression. I've never spoken to him about it until this point. He was pretty supportive and we arranged to go for dinner together during the trip.

I've resolved to be more open about my depression from now on, and to tell the people I'm closer to, should a suitable time present itself. I usually keep it hidden and try to put on a front, but I'd rather the small number of people closer to me know, as I do need the support. The exception here is my parents and sister, who I won't tell, because I know it would cause them a great deal of worry. And they're in the UK so it's easy to hide it from them.

It's been 7 weeks now since I finally managed to quit Paroxetine (3rd time I'd tried). I'd been taking it for 5 and a half years and, apart from a few low periods, it had worked well and kept me feeling pretty good. Now I've stopped, and the depression and OCD have come roaring back with a vengeance - so much so that I'm seriously considering going back on it. The thing is, I'll feel like I've failed if I do, since coming off it was a real struggle.

Overall, it was kind of a tough day, with OCD and depression both affecting me badly.