Hi, this makes perfect sense to me. I get that you're wanting to make a connection, but essentially you're venting thoughts, which is likely to be overwhelming, and could well make you seem self absorbed.
To me (and sorry if this is a harsh thing to say but...) it makes you seem like you're faking, and (not intentionally) hiding your real self. Is there something that all this excitement is distracting you from?...that is how it seems to me...like underneath all the information and Q&As there might be some truth personal to yourself that is really difficult to share.
Looking at your post about work, it's clear that you're concerned with success, and not sure what success would look like for you...I just think that might be a relevant issue, and a good question to ask yourself.
I've only been able to focus, and work happily since I've stop trying to prove myself, and actually made some personal goals. I've used these websites...
..this is free to use, and if you keep using it, and writing down your results and answers to the questions, I would bet good money that it would bring you some clarity.
I'll try and reply to your posts, as I think it is interesting (what you're sharing)

K