Peanut, you are so sweet to care. I just received an e-mail from my ex girl friend and it seemed so final. The thing that makes me so angry is that in the final analysis I think the loss of our love is so incredibly unnecessary. Clearly I had to get my depression under control or there was no way that our relationship was going to survive. But, she had issues of her own that she brought to the table. LOTS of issues, more than she would ever admit to. She was an enabler... did that AND STILL DOES that for her ex husband, did that for me. She has yet to finalize her divorce so she is in limbo. She has issues of self esteem that definintely interferred with our relationship in a very big way. She was too self conscious, not open.... held back.

The bottom line is that I love her enough to work through all these issues, do whatever it takes to salvage our relationship. WHATEVER IT TAKES. Because the way I figure it I was BLESSED to have her come into my life. Truely blessed. And God knows I had learned that we all have issues and demons. Most everyone out there that is middle aged and divorced and has been through a lot of BS is going to have issues. Looking for perfection will mean that you will wind up living a life alone. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to settle for just anyone either. But, I have been through enough to know I have it good when I've got it. And I had it with her. I just wished that she would see that. It may seem easier in the short run to bail out and start fresh. But in the long run you could benefit from working through your issues individually AND together and have a stronger, deeper love and a true committment. That is what I want. And I want it with her and no one else.

That is why I feel hopeless. Because there is nothing I can do or say to convince her there is nothing more in this world I want than to be with her. And, I really think that deep down in her heart she knows I have the potentital to be a lifelong partner for her. The best lifelong partner. I just don't know what she is afraid of.