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krazibean said:
she's admitted to feeling like she needs to defend herself a lot to me because i'm critical of her and i'm always disappointed in her

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If that's true, that you're always disappointed in her and critical; there isn't any other way she can be? I would try to concentrate on yourself and what you are doing/feeling rather than on her words and feelings. Take her words and feelings as clues to yourself (if she gets defensive, for example, look at what you just said and see if you can understand why someone would see it as an attack). Look to see what you can get out of everything she says/does, positive and negative, instead of what she is doing at all. Be selfish in your therapy and make it entirely about you! :-)