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Old Oct 19, 2020, 06:31 AM
fern46 fern46 is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 3,021
Quote:
Originally Posted by bpcyclist View Post
Okay, so, quickly. Great day. Zero symptoms at all. Great. Guy upstairs I met on the vator I had helped find a cycling item he needed. No biggie
He texts. Cannot get new saddle on his fancy Peloton bike. I head up and we sort it. Takes like, an hour. Super nice guy.

Adidas executive. Signs young talent. We chatted
So nice. Says he is 25. I encouraged him to work hard and ask for what he deserves based on his value to the company. Stuff I know about.

I get home. Googling around. Quickly checked his college scoring avg for giggles. Turns out, checkimg 2 sources, he is 26--not 25.

Step outside. Thinking about a new place to live next door. Blond gal walks by, totally hiding her face. Dark. Not totally the superest place for an alone, cute gal to be after dark. Bit odd. I look at my maybe new place. She meanders sorta aimlessly and just seems to be continually walking past or near me for like, zero reason.

So. Faithfully reporting this. As we know, my threat assessment system is permanently broken.
I do have PTSD from actual, fully documented police abuse. That did actually happen. I do have names, identities, vehicle tags, and 100 more or so pages of factual documentation of that.

But. That was 2010-2012. I am a law abiding person. No possible legit cause for me to be looked at. Zippo. But police here are already in an agreement with the USDOJ for excessive force use against mentally ill persons. Fact. Right now.

So, broken threat system, some weirdness tonight, and I am triggered and now symptomatic with PTSD stuff from 8 yrs ago. Guess just being paranoid maybe. But living here, where bipolar people are shot and squished to death by police, who are never prosecuted, it can be a scary place for us to live. Spooky. Noone cares if we are tortured or murdered by police. Noone.

Gonna go meditate. Hugs.
It makes sense that you were triggered. You struggle with trust and you then found information that made you feel the stranger you helped lied to you. But... He could have forgotten his age. I've accidentally said the wrong age several times. He could have lied for personal reasons. Maybe it is a safety issue for him. He did give you his real name apparently. If I were going to do something nefarious, I'd use an alias. The likely answer is he's a quirky neighbor.

The rest of what happened could have been a hallucination or a woman walking around thinking about something. Or maybe she has her own mental issues. Lots of possibilities.

These two people coordinating some sort of ill intended experience against you is one possibility in a sea of many. It is highly unlikely. Try to remember that and go about your day normally today. You've done nothing wrong and there is no reason to believe anyone is plotting against you at the moment.

However, these kinds of thoughts are very much a symptom common for you. I know, I've felt them as well. Symptomatic thoughts resulting from a trigger is the most likely explanation. Strategically, it makes sense to go with that and work to find your way back to balance. Try not to fuel the other line of thinking.

This is a good set of events to talk through with your therapist. When do you see her next?

Hugs. We're here for you.
Hugs from:
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Coolbreeze74, daladico, Daonnachd, Soupe du jour
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, bpcyclist, Coolbreeze74, daladico