YOU aren't "missing" anything. It is not your job to "nurture" an adult person and you are not his mother. Tell him perhaps he needs a different wife and you will find someone more suited for you.

You are NOT his parent and do not need to nurture him. His mother should have done that and taught him how to comfort himself. If he can't, then he needs to talk to her.

I would also tell him I'm going directly into counseling to learn how to nurture him, but I really would discuss the fact that my husband is gaslighting me and trying to make me feel that I am "less than" because his childish need to be nurtured isn't being met. And also to make a plan to get out of this marriage.