I don't think there's anything wrong with the dinner scenario, either.

What stands out to me is how you describe yourself. You say you're not a natural empath an you're the worst at knowing how to be married.. most likely due to your own dysfunctional upbringing.

I do think one can take all the "proper steps" and still fail to comfort someone because it's not intuitive. They can sound like they're rehearsing a script and are not being authentic. Could this be true for you?

As far as nurturing goes, I think there are different levels.. in adult terms, one can be nurturing by being present, affectionate, understanding, and supportive.. in a very different way than how you would treat a child.

How does he comfort himself that works? What are your attachment styles.. because that could say a lot.

To me, it sounds like his needs are not being met and we, as adults, have needs, too. I'd suggest going to therapy with him and see if there's something you can both work on for each other.