Yesterday after work I got in my car and took the blade out and cut, i had to get rid of the pain i was feeling. I had to see it leave me. I then went to my Pdoc's office and told her that i wanted to go to the hospital but she basically said since you already cut, i am going to give you haldol and you go home and go to bed-so i did reluctanly. But i went home and went to bed, now i feel like a zombie and i have to take the meds until i see her again next week, i have an appointment with my (T) tomorrow but not sure if i want to confront all of my pain, but i have to let it out somehow, i just do not want my therapist to know really how bad i am. I know that once i leave her office i will be more depressed, cuz she will bring up things that i do not want to talk about, but i know i need to, i am really confused, not sure what to do or think anymore.
I feel abandoned and rejected lately, like i am crap, not sure if any one out there really cares how i feel anyway, im angry im depressed and i want to beat myself up for all of my pain. Sorry I cut, sorry i am depressed and sorry for the long post. I have more to talk about but i will go now.