I am not in a right frame of mind. My mistrust has grown and is causing me to do things.

I went into his Facebook and found a porn like woman "following" my husband (her profile and cover photo images were porn like). I couldn't see that they were friends, but she "followed" him. She lives in London. Then I looked at her page, and the pictures all were very different from the porn like photos; they were of different people who looked nothing like this woman. I asked him about it, so he went into his settings to block her and several others he said he didn't know who were following him. Turns out his follows setting was set to public, so anyone could follow him.

Then after he adjusted all his privacy settings, I discovered that his friends list was made private, so I could not see his friends list. I made a comment about this too, he got upset with me for snooping, but changed the setting to friends so that all his friends can see his friends list, including myself.

But both raised an eyebrow and questions for me. Why did he change the setting of his friends list to private so that only HE could see it? And how and why was this porn woman from London following my husband? Had he followed her? Was his Instagram connected to his Facebook?

This morning he did not blow up at me, but he gave me a lecture saying I am making him sick with all my snooping and questioning of him. He practically blamed me for his physical problems right now, saying they're due to all the recent stress. He also told me my questioning of him cannot go on or else we're going to have a serious problem.

I am at a loss. I'm afraid I will never trust him again and that it's over. He says he is sick over it, and I feel like I am becoming sick.

I am becoming someone I don't wish to be.

Either I change what I am doing and how I am thinking or this does need to be over.

And I cannot end this relationship until I have secured employment so one of us can move out.