I finished my taper off tegretol. I’m depressed but no major raging outbursts in a couple days. Been using a little bit, but not too much. Trying not too but I think the depression started out as a PAWS thing and it’s just so hard to stay clean when I’m constantly suicidal. I lied to my therapist about using. I don’t like talking to her. I feel like I’m being spied on and that someone is going to assault me if I speak the truth outloud to anyone. im about ready to let these illnesses win. I’m sick of fighting these demons every day and losing.