You're right that it is no excuse, and there is no excuse. It's true that you're a victim of his behaviour, and in my opinion...sorry this is harsh to say, but you are making yourself a victim as long as you stay, and when you leave the abusive relationship, then you are a survivor of abuse. I would like to think that your husband would be able to see the harm he has done, and somehow repair the damage, but I do believe that as long as you stay with him, there will be an abusive dynamic that you will be made to feel responsible for. You might be acting irrationally sometimes, and have issues that make you anxious and vulnerable, but from what you have said, you are taking responsibility for your behaviour, where as your husband is blaming you for his stress. Did he blame you for his aggression too?
It is clearly overwhelming, but there are people that understand the dynamics of abuse that will want to help you get safely out of this situation. I didn't have any help getting out, initially. I was supported by a friend who I told about the abuse only months after I left, then I found out she had suffered the same. I moved into my family home at first, and suffered abuse there. That was when I started being more open, asking for help, and got help to get a place of my own, a job to pay the bills etc.
It could be a long, hard process, but I really think that you deserve some peace of mind that you won't get with the threat of abuse in your life.