Hello!
So I don't know whether this is the right place to post this but, I don't even know what is happening with me.
What I am going to say might sound stupid or even risible, I will try to explain it as well as possible despite English not being my first language.
I have been raised in a very religious family and I am gay. About 6 months ago or so I became extremely distressed by the thought of possibly going to hell to the point where I lost all my hope for the future, my motivation, energy and even will to live. I was so deeply troubled that I wanted to die and regretted having been born. I would live in constant terror, even though sometimes during the day these thoughts would just cross my mind and make me feel anxious, in the nighttime I would have much more time to think and that is when my despair would take place. At that moment I would cry my heart out, feel like screaming and almost forget how to breathe. When I thought about my future, black images would pop into my mind. I am trying to be brief here but if I were to explain all my emotions I would start sobbing right away. Luckily, it didn't last long before someone helped me get back on track. Now I am ok. Thing is that I am often troubled by thoughts of my experience back then. I avoid churches, priests and even discussions about religion. They scare me. They make me cry. A few times per week I get reminded of what I experienced and can't help crying and getting tense and stressed. I can't even put into words how much emotional pain I had to get through. That feeling of despair....I just started crying. Needless to say, that was my most emotionally painful situation I have ever got into. Sometimes I tend to feel like my memory is getting more and more painful as time goes by.
I hope I have got my point across although my reasons for feeling what I am feeling don't seem valid...do you think I might be experiencing PTSD? Should I see a counselor?
Thank you in advance.