Your financial profile, prior to your relationship, has nothing to do with him. He's not entitled to that information, despite your marriage. If he was stealing from you on your wedding night, I can understand why there's no transparency in this relationship. You're in protective mode and should be. You've mentioned a lot about him wanting to spend your money. I worry that is what he's been after since he is/was bankrupt.

I'm not sure why you're now unemployed (I've been away for a few months) but it could be why he's coming off empowered by you now. He knows you're at a disadvantage and need him.

You were physical with him? I bet he loved it and will hang it over your head for the rest of this relationship, undoubtedly. Take my incident, for example (since you brought it up).. I didn't hurt him, push him, or have any INTENT to hurt him. I merely leaned into him to get him out the room, which was only 2 steps away.. and did so unsuccessfully. Now I'm deemed to be physically abusive towards HIM. Good news for him because now he has a "story" to tell. The fact that your husband didn't press charges is good but there's still a police report.. a paper trail.

This isn't love. I'm sorry to say. If you're not planning an exit plan, maybe he is. If you don't get this job or get yourself financially secure again, I worry you'll be no use to him anymore and will take all that's left from your portfolio he can get. If you leave now, you may qualify for spousal support from him.. if his bankruptcy will allow it.