Quote:
Originally Posted by MsLady
Your financial profile, prior to your relationship, has nothing to do with him. He's not entitled to that information, despite your marriage. If he was stealing from you on your wedding night, I can understand why there's no transparency in this relationship. You're in protective mode and should be. You've mentioned a lot about him wanting to spend your money. I worry that is what he's been after since he is/was bankrupt.
I'm not sure why you're now unemployed (I've been away for a few months) but it could be why he's coming off empowered by you now. He knows you're at a disadvantage and need him.
You were physical with him? I bet he loved it and will hang it over your head for the rest of this relationship, undoubtedly. Take my incident, for example (since you brought it up).. I didn't hurt him, push him, or have any INTENT to hurt him. I merely leaned into him to get him out the room, which was only 2 steps away.. and did so unsuccessfully. Now I'm deemed to be physically abusive towards HIM. Good news for him because now he has a "story" to tell. The fact that your husband didn't press charges is good but there's still a police report.. a paper trail.
This isn't love. I'm sorry to say. If you're not planning an exit plan, maybe he is. If you don't get this job or get yourself financially secure again, I worry you'll be no use to him anymore and will take all that's left from your portfolio he can get. If you leave now, you may qualify for spousal support from him.. if his bankruptcy will allow it.
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If he wanted to leave this relationship, he would tell me so. I know this much. And he does love me. He tells me this every day.
It's complicated. He can also be very loving and sweet. He hasn't been abusive since July when I told him I was divorcing him. I believe he wants this to work. He says he'll go to couples therapy with me.
But yes, he must feel more empowered now that I tried to grab his phone from his pocket and since I called the police totally drunk. Yet, I have many more incidents from him being abusive to tell on my side of the story that outweigh my crime. And if he tries to paint it to a therapist that I am the abusive one? I will clear that up immediately. This was ONE time on my end - an aberration in my own behavior - I had finally cracked --- yet there were dozens of incidents caused by HIM.
I lost my job in July. I was laid off, so I am looking for work. And. yes, that does make me more dependent on him.
I don't know why he opened my mail, and it was several weeks ago now, but I am suspicious. Maybe he would try to go after my retirement funds if we divorced. He can be vengeful. I know this about him. He knew I had very little. I didn't even know how much I had in that account until he told me so.
It's also possible that he opened my mail to determine whether it should be shredded or not. He did shred a bunch of mail, but not on that day, I don't think.
As far as wanting to spend my money? He grew up in a family of millionaires. He grew up very wealthy AND spoiled. His parents supported him financially until he was 32 years old!!!! He is used to living a high lifestyle and acted very spoiled for a lot of our relationship in the beginning. I have taught him how to budget FAR better though, and he's gotten better about living within our means, for the most part. But yes, a year ago or so he acted very spoiled when it came to money and spending my own money.
He has told me previously that he'll always let me know if there's a problem in the relationship on his end. He hasn't said anything about wanting to split up and certainly acts as though he wants to keep our marriage in tact.
It's more so me on my end. I'm uncertain. I have no way to get myself financially secure again without a job, so I am stuck until I can get a job. How would I accomplish being financially secure otherwise? Everything resides on my getting some income back in through employment.
And I'm afraid I've lost out on an opportunity for which I interviewed three times. No word from them in one full day, and they've usually followed up almost immediately.