VioletSpeaks - I just want to hug you! First, a huge shout out to you doing your job of helping other people while you yourself are dealing with a heavy load. I am fairly new in the group - haven't even written my full story yet - and 'new' to divorce. I use quotations because, guess what, it's my 2nd divorce. And more frightening, I think I might be able to see a pattern in the men I married despite being positive that they were as different as night and day. So when you speak of feeling like you failed, I understand that. I am a business professional and am successful in most of my life - I would dare to say I am successful (enough) in ALL of my life - except relationships apparently.

I can say that you would tell your patients that they need to have people to reach out to. And so you did the right thing by coming here... particularly if you find it hard to reach out to anyone in your life. I built what I refer to as my tribe. I still live with my husband and stepson and we haven't told the stepson yet. And I still love my husband and there are days where things where nothing feels different. Then there are days where all three of us are in the house but no one is speaking or days when my stepson is at his mom's and my husband just disappears. It is very. lonely. So this tribe texts becomes my lifeline. For example next week my SS is with his mom for an entire week and I am telling you that while I feel pretty cheery and stable right now, next week will be rough - I have already told some of tribe that I will be needy next week even if I don't say anything. I will probably have time to write my story. Because this has become and outlet for my voice as well.

Another thing that you need to focus on is self care. I realize that this is very difficult when each day is filled with you taking care of other people - your patients and your kids. But you kids & patients will benefit from it eventually as well. I view this in several ways. Of course it's things like drinking enough water, taking your medication/supplements at regular intervals, eating the right foods for your body (and yes, sometimes for your soul), getting a bit of exercise. Just go outside, breathe the fresh air and walk for 10-15 minutes. (even when the moving part is hard - the fresh air part will be great) Put on headphones and listen to podcasts (the Yes theory is a great new one) or your favorite genre of music on pandora/spotify or, simply the quiet. Maybe part of your self care would be reading and you could do an audio book during your 15 minute walk. Meditate. Do Yoga. Both of these things I have difficulty with but I am actually trying to incorporate them into my life right now. Pick your favorite movie from a happy time, rent/stream it, get a good glass of wine/beer/ice cream (favorite dessert) and carve out some time at night to just watch it and do 'you'. Get a fitbit or similar device and track your sleep. Work on creating a good environment for sleeping. Make a goal for yourself. (I want to cook a new meal this week/read a magazine/run a mile/get a pedicure/reach out to an old friend)

Anyways. You will feel liberated at some point. I am heartbroken, overwhelmed and sad. But I know there will be positives. I have been through it before. You will get through to the other side and there will be good days. More later. Keep reaching out.