Hello all, it's been a while. I hope everyone is doing well in these trying times. I know everything is so uncertain right now.

I've spoken on here about my grandma before and her abusive ways. I'm conflicted because she still has toxic traits and, in some ways, she hasn't changed, but in other ways she has. However, she told me some things today that continues to make me see that, even though she has been abusive and still has toxic traits, she has still done good things for me.

I feel angry at myself for feeling angry at her sometimes because of those nice moments but then I feel like I have a right to be angry. I don't want to hold her abuse over her heard (as one of my past therapists said) but I also can't help but feel angry when she still engages in her toxic behavior.

Has anyone else ever felt angry at themselves for feeling angry at their abusers?

Thanks a lot!