@ArtleyWilkins, thank you for your thoughts and input! And thanks on the job front.

I really appreciate hearing your personal story in detail, which in fact, give me hope for my own situation.

I didn't marry until late in life. I've been independent and single for a very long time. Having separate accounts was my desire and need. My husband also proved to be a big spender, so I refused to have joint accounts. Nothing is secretive though. It's just the way we've set things up and the way I personally wanted things to be. I personally don't find it strange at all. However, I am under his health insurance, and previously, he was on mine. I also co-signed a car lease for him. We are tied financially in this way.

He became abusive right before we married and then thereafter. I was going to leave him very early on, but I did not have the financial means- this is another reason for our separate accounts and finances. But I still decided to co sign a car lease for him over a year ago, despite what was going on. Don't ask.

Your insights are valuable to me. I think (hope) that with both of us working at this, that we can make it Therapy is certainly necessary at this juncture. We need to address some serious issues.

Thanks again. Hugs to you, and I am glad you and your spouse were able to work it all out and get stronger and better together.