Today was my grandfather’s memorial service. I was extremely anxious on the way there. I was very worried it would be an open casket, which I HATE and definitely would not have been able to handle for him. But thankfully he has been cremated, which I think is a much better option personally. The service itself, while sad, was very beautiful. I learned a lot of things about my grandfather that I never knew before. In the end, my grandfather’s cousin revealed that he went to visit a few weeks before his death and asked him if there was anything he wanted to pass on to us, specifically to my grandmother. He shared a beautiful poem (how do I love thee, let me count the ways) that my grandfather dedicated to her. If I were a crier, I would have cried then.

My grandmother was definitely distraught but trying hard to remain strong. I’m taking my son up there on Sunday to help her drag her plants in before the first frost.

I’m still quite anxious. Probably leftover anxiety. I took a Xanax and I’m calming down a bit. I really wanted to call out of work tomorrow but alas, I only got one bereavement day at work and had to use PTO for the memorial service. So I’m down to two hours. And anyway, it’s a half day for the students so I only have to be “on” until 12:30. It should be fine.