Nobody here can diagnose you. We are not qualified. What you are going through will be caused by a few things. Most people here will recognize suffering.

I have been where you are and will leave out the details that you will be all too aware. I am sorry that you are in a whole world of pain that you are overwhelmed with it. You do need to see a professional counsellor. Your pain is real and not to be dismissed.

A professional will have more resources that are in your area.

((Hugs))