I guess I never realized how much of your self worth is attached to your loved ones and the perceived impact you are having on their lives.

2 amazing boys, and 3 years of marriage later, and I am almost finished with the long-dreadful divorce process.
And throughout the entire process I was fine.
I was not the one who filed for divorce, so my only goals are to keep my cool and not fire verbal assaults back, and to be a support for my soon to be ex wife as best I could. Because clearly I failed in the marriage.

There is nothing like the wrath of a woman scorned. Not passing judgment, just expressing that her feelings and her hurt would oftentimes come through in the form of verbal digs and low blows. And I was determined not to meet her there -- i mean hurt people hurt people anyway, right?! As the mother of my young boys, whether we are together or not, I want her happiness and wholeness without question.

My point is that over time I had developed thick skin. And I mean borderline gator-skin thick. I knew what was happening and why it was happening. And you can prepare for what you know is coming.

But recently, we were going back and forth trying to explain our points regarding how we got here (because we all know that is smart in the middle of a divorce). And in the conversation she said something to the affect of, after the last seven years I can honestly say that my life would be unchanged and unaffected with or without you in it.

And it was until later, when I really sat with it, when I realized how deeply that hurt me. I am to this moment, almost a week later, hurt and in my feelings. I did not realize how important it is to have some one, or some group, that knows you and that you can make a direct impact on. With so many people in this world, you have to find a niche of people who love you for you and who want to do the same activities/things you want to. Whether it's playing on your rec softball/bball team, hanging with the girls or the bros, or laying a foundation with your family, it is imperative (especially during the pandemic) to have your 'impact group'.

I still need to take some time and truly reflect, but whether right or wrong, and whether I want to admit it or not, a part of my self worth was tied to the direct impact I was having (or thought I was having) on those who were closest to me, my family.

And for her to essentially you don't mean **** to me, although I know was not true, sure did do it's job. It cracked the shell.