I got a save a date for a marriage happening involving a best friend that I had in college, but like all other invites and info that I’ve received over marriage, the item in the mail met me with hostility. Partly due to my insecurities, but mainly because he is 8 years older than his fiancée, who isn’t even in her 20s yet and has dated less than a year.

This guy celebrating the occasion, as stated, was a best friend in college that I met through a church, and for awhile we did everything together. However how we handled leaving the church over spiritual abuse began to wear down our friendship. I spent more time to myself for the purpose of self discovery and for reversing the mental rigidity that two years of that place inflicted on me. While my friend bounced back like nothing happened, and expected me to be the same. He became overly pushy about trying to get back into the church scene. And the uncomfortable discussions we already had at least once every time we saw each other, like over very personal beliefs like church attendance and other taboo topics became focal points of more recent hangouts. We still spoke to each other on the phone and hung out once with a mutual friend after the initial fallout, but over time I lost interest in exclusively spending time with him. Now I feel like he’s using me because after not hearing from him for nearly 8 months, he asked me for my address to send the wedding info.

But even with this current state with him, I reacted to his wedding info very negatively. Even though I can’t even begin to imagine being coupled up right now, wedding announcement get under my skin because most of my peers are narcissistic about it and often implicitly use marriage as an excuse to shut me out of their lives even if we were close friends. So great. Now I feel like a hypocritical, cognitively dissonant idiot, as I shouldn’t feel this way over a friend I’m growing apart from.

With all of this in mind, my pride is wanting me to not even congratulate him or send him a gift. Its his life but I think he’s making a fatal mistake because of the age difference and I assume he is jumping on the marriage bandwagon. But since we were close friends at one point the other side of my consciousness tells me to reconnect with him over his major milestone.

Am I going insane for having these thoughts? Anybody here who can relate or help me?