at a time when i was feeling suicidal and whenever my ex-T asked if i had a plan or intent i never fully disclosed to him that i actually did have a plan and had all the items needed in my possession and readily accessible. at that time, i was too fearful that if he had that information, he would have had me committed or would have terminated. plus, as odd as this sounds, feeling as powerless as i did at that time in the therapeutic relationship, this felt like one way of maintaining some sense of power and control over my T.