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T told me once before a long time ago that he was worried I was unable to deal with an issue successfully in his office because of the positive feelings I had for him--they were masking my grief over something else. So I had to deal with this outside of his presence. (He gave me advice on how to do this.) Does anyone else ever get that?

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Yes I struggle with it still. I tend to want to go off somewhere by myself to feel my feelings. It's lonely and I hope I can get past that. She knows this about me.

sunny, I take Xanax sometimes too. I sometimes take only half or even a quarter of my .5mg Xanax (when I take a small amount, I call it "nibbling" ). I let it dissolve under my tongue and even the small amount helps take the edge of, particularly when I'm at work and I don't want to feel tired or groggy.