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HarperF · Oct 25, 2020 at 08:01 AM

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliviab

Yikes. When your T talked about "professional" and "boundaries," I think she was talking to yourself, not you. She clearly has a different sort of relationship with (or feelings for) you than is typical for her with clients, and it's making her uncomfortable and insecure. She definitely needs supervision, and perhaps her own therapist to help sort this out. It's not on you.

Thank you Oliviab. My thoughts exactly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliviab

I am a T-in-training and my T and I have as a therapeutic goal to shift the relationship from client-therapists to collegial over time. This is a necessary goal, because our community is small enough that we already have overlapping relationships, we know many people in common, and we will run into each other in professional settings. So it's not wrong, per se, to have a therapeutic relationship that is atypical because of your shared profession, but this needs to be done carefully, thoughtfully, intentionally, and with transparency. And without your T bursting into tears.

Actually this haven't crossed my mind that this could be a valid therapeutic goal. Our community is small as well, and we have overlapping relationships too. We will definitely have encounters after the end of therapy, so why not end it well. Transparency is something really important for me...yet it makes T very anxious. I think it's T's issue. I hope T can get some help regarding this. I also think closing this in a nice and careful way might be an emotionally corrective experience.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliviab

My T self-discloses a fair amount with me, too, and we talk about why this is. The disclosures are helpful; I have no interest in a blank-slate therapist.

As with some of the things you've already written - it's the same with me. It's empowering to read your comments.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliviab

I personally do not love how the literature talks about ruptures, as if they are something that "comes from" the client. That's not how I see it. The rupture is in the relationship and the relationships is between two people (not belonging to either), it is co-created, and each person brings things to it. When we have ruptures, my T and both talk about how we each contributed to the dynamic at play. We, of course, spend more time talking about my stuff, because it is my therapy, but he owns his part in things.

Perhaps I wasn't careful enough with my wording, but I didn't intend to make it sound like it's the client's fault. It's just the therapist doesn't have such an empathic/relational depth to have foresight into what an interaction might mean for the client. I think it makes sense this way...and I would really love to repair this rupture, because I do care for T as both a person and a professional, but there's no such literature that would give any tools - or recommend intervention - from the client's part.