thehealingone - I am so sorry you are going through this. Words that come out our loved one's mouth during times like this are completely ridiculous. My husband wants a divorce - we are at the beginning, not even separated yet. Together 12 years, lived together for 8, married for 4. One night, after a few too many beers and while feeling sorry for himself, he said "I don't think we ever had a connection." The truth is - it should have hurt - but it didn't. This is him justifying what he is doing and I could see it. There is no way that for 12 years, we lived our whole life and experienced the things we did and said the things we did and there was no connection. It was a cop out and an excuse and him trying to make himself feel better because he knows that his decision is the unpopular one. One that was made with no effort to work through whatever was/is the issue. That is how I view what your wife said. There is no way you had 2 kids together and none of your time meant anything to her. And even now, as you enter in to the final stages, with your history, you made an impact that she, like it not, will think about. The trajectory of her life changed forever with you in it... I don't know why these people that are supposed to be our protectors, our 'people' insist on not only blowing up our lives with decisions that adversely affect many around us, but then, when we give them what they want, insist of trying to take us down in the process. It says SO much about them and nothing about us. The fact that you are trying to keep your cool says more about who you are. I'd also like to point out that you didn't "fail in the marriage." The marriage failed. To boil it down, it's a legal contract. You are a person and while I can only assume that you are far from perfect, as all of us are, feeling like you failed vs the the marriage failed is tough. (I also have these same thoughts incidentally, but I try to take these words and turn them on myself) Chin up! Good luck...