I lost my brother to suicide last year, August 26, 2019. His wife found him. I am still processing this and grieving. My Mother blames herself still constantly and I'm always supporting her. I realize this year has been hard for me due to the anniversary coming up and I am getting panic attacks. Don't want to take anymore medication, so I've been meditating a lot and it's been helping me a lot. I'm so sorry if you are dealing with this too. I miss my brother everyday and I speak to him out loud regularly. Just letting you know I'm here for you.