Some of this is very familiar. I tend not to always give many details (I'm generally a private person) but I can certainly relate to having a mother who greatly favoured male cousins and male steps over me. And even male ''god children''... I did not have any God parents.

Being her only cub, being a female seemed to make me appear to be a failure and not someone she wanted to connect with ....to her.... from when I was born. A Narcissist I believe. Or possibly mostly very depressed and disconnected due to an impossibly .... complicated, (abusive) and absent... ''marriage'' (which she was not ''able'' to ''leave'' until....(fades out)